Desire is a core part of the human experience. It shapes human action, thought, and sense of self. Across cultures, philosophies, and religious traditions, however, the pursuit of desire is often depicted as a source of profound suffering – the concept “desire is the root of all suffering” traces its origins most notably to Buddhist teachings but has resonated in other forms throughout human history.
This idea is central to the Four Noble Truths In Buddhism, outlining the nature of suffering (dukkha) and its cessation. The second noble truth identifies craving (tanha), a form of desire, as the cause of suffering. According to this teaching, desires, whether they are for material wealth, sensory pleasures, or even intangible goals, create attachments that inevitably lead to disappointment, frustration, and sorrow. This cycle of craving and suffering is what keeps individuals trapped in samsara, the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.
This view does not suggest that desire in itself is inherently evil or that it should be eradicated entirely but rather that it is our attachments to these desires and the constant pursuit of them that causes pain. The more one seeks to satisfy desire, the more it grows, creating an insatiable cycle. The Buddha’s teachings propose that liberation from suffering lies in overcoming the cycle of craving, finding contentment in the present moment, and ultimately achieving Nirvana—freedom from desire.
This concept of desire as suffering transcends Buddhist philosophy. Philosophers like Arthur Schopenhauer echoed similar thoughts in the West. Schopenhauer, influenced by Buddhist ideas, argued that human desire is inherently unsatisfying. Desire, he said, is the manifestation of a fundamental dissatisfaction in life, the driving force that keeps individuals constantly striving, but never leads to lasting fulfillment. Schopenhauer viewed life as a perpetual state of longing, where the satisfaction of one desire simply paves the way for the next, more elusive one.
What Is Desire?
Thinkers and writers have grappled with the role of desire in the human condition for centuries. Thomas Hobbes, for example, argued that desire is the root of all human actions – we act to fulfill desires, not out of reason, but because our innate cravings drive us forward. From this perspective, desire is both the cause and the motivation for everything humans do, whether it’s the quest for power, affection, or material wealth.
“The object of man’s desire is not to enjoy once only, and for one instant of time; but to assure for ever, the way of his future desires.”
Our understanding of desire today has expanded to include not only biological and psychological urges but also social and cultural constructions. We are bombarded daily with messages about what we should want – perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect career, car, house, etc. The rise of consumerism and the media’s portrayal of an idealized life reinforce this constant need for more, feeding into the cycle of craving and dissatisfaction.
But even in this hyper-consumerist society, the recognition that desire often leads to suffering remains. Advertisers and corporations tap into our desires, manipulating them to fuel consumption, yet we find ourselves constantly striving for the next purchase, the next experience, the next high, often with little sense of fulfillment.
Simpler still, desire is wanting. As Elizabeth Anscombe says,
“The primitive sign of wanting is trying to get.”
Pleasure-Based Desire
Pleasure-based desire is perhaps the most universally understood. Why spouses cheat on spouses, why people break laws, why the Fifty Shades of Grey film made housewives blush en route to $85 million on opening weekend, and a grand-total $571 million worldwide.
A simple explanation for this comes from Denise Cummins, Ph.D. in her interview with Psychology Today:
“Part of it, of course, is simple curiosity in bondage and sadomasochistic sexuality (BDSM). That part is simple to explain: The pain and fear that comes with sadomasochistic sex causes the brain to shunt blood flow away from its executive “decision-making” areas (frontal cortex), which results in an altered state of consciousness in both the giver and the receiver. Like autoerotic asphyxiation or cocaine, experiencing fear and pain can heighten sexual gratification, but at some cost.”
Is it simply that a majority of humans (people) don’t get to experience that level of desire; we want someone to desire, and to be desired so passionately in return. Yearning for touch, and connection – heat rising in your cheeks, a flush to the skin, the increase in heart rate, and heavy breathing makes the chest rise and fall.
“For many women, foreplay is the most exciting part of sex…” NYC psychologist Dr. Niloo Dardashti says. “It’s frustrating, but it keeps you glued in.”
Desire, and the building thereof, is the most powerful piece of physicality. The tension between two people; the undeniable energy that exists before it is broken by satisfaction. And then toying with that energy, bringing it to a breaking point. As we discuss in “86” Clothes: Tasting something greater, it is tension that is at the core of desire. It is what we haven’t had yet that fuels it. It is wanting it that keeps it alive and makes it grow.
Sex sells. We know this. We’ve known it for well over 100 years:
“The earliest known use of sex in advertising is by the Pearl Tobacco brand in 1871, which featured a naked maiden on the package cover. In 1885, W. Duke & Sons inserted trading cards into cigarette packs that featured sexually provocative starlets. Duke grew to become the leading American cigarette brand by 1890…”
Men are inherently attracted to beautiful women, and, in a society that simultaneously worships and demonizes naked bodies as taboo, it becomes an easy way for a “quick fix,” to capture imaginations, fascinate, titillate like school boys from a Fellini Film:
We have also known for millennia that the more desire is denied, the more the desire increases. As Publius Cornelius Tacitus told us sometime around 100 AD (nearly 2,000 years ago), “Forbidden things have a secret charm.”
Geoffrey Chaucer, sometime in the late 1300’s, reiterated the point, “Forbid us something, and that thing we desire.”
And Mark Twain, around the turn of last century, agreed. “There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”
The notion of desire, and of wanting most the something that can’t be had, has existed for thousands of years. In perhaps a cruel irony to those most prudish in this or any country, the more sex is taken away, prohibited, denied, the more it is desired; when you withhold something from someone, they are going to want it, or need it and explore it with or without the blessings of others.
In a study done by Gregory Burns a few years ago, researchers studied the reactions in people’s brains to the unpredictability of reward. In the study, subjects were given water to drink. When subjects were given juice instead, they were pleasantly surprised, despite the fact that they were completely content with the idea of getting water: Their brains gave off a much stronger reaction when they were handed something sweet and stimulating (juice in this case) instead. And, unsurprisingly, the subjects were then no longer content with water.
We Are Dinosaurs: Love vs. Sex
We have different chemicals in our brains that make us feel love. There is even a formula:
The “oxytocin form” of having sex removes the carnal need or desire: The endgame of sexual interaction moves away from simply having an orgasm to encountering the real, euphoric connection we often define as love, and completely re-orients us to a place where we are satisfied by intimacy, even without having an orgasm. It goes beyond, deeper than, a purely physical connection. It brings us to a place where we can have that sort of deep release of sensation each moment we are with someone. The oxytocin form of love is the one that leads to long-term relationships.
It is the simple feeling of being near someone else that we desire, not just connection (physical, otherwise) with just anyone. But that is also the basis for separating love from sex which has turned sex into a culture all its own; love can very simply be removed from a sexual act, and very often is.
We then have a culture of sex only for the need-of-sex – a culture in which sex no longer represents sensuality or connection or chemistry but rather a form of power – linked, paradoxically, with a culture of sexual violation where “I couldn’t help myself” and “I was provoked…” by the way a victim looks/dresses/acts somehow becomes an accepted defense – even from a general public not even remotely linked to the specific crime itself.
In this, we have removed the person, the human, from sexual acts, just as we are able to remove sex from human acts (i.e. If there can be love without sex, then there can just as easily be sex without love).
The idea that human desire is too strong to control, and that it must be the victim who takes responsibility for it, is still far too common in the world. It is an arcane notion that such behavior could be dismissed and excused as uncontrollable – that desire could/would be to blame for violent actions, rather than the perpetrator’s rational mind.
But this is the point: After millions of years of human evolution, we still struggle to understand our most basic desires, and, even more so, we struggle to define them. We can’t even define our desires and what they mean to us – even as institutions of authority, family, religion, government, attempt to control them. Impulse, in this context, is something people sympathize with. But we as individuals are responsible, and thus we give credence to the personality before the action; there are desires we understand and desires we condemn because at some point we were able to apply our own morality to the equation.
This is taking Hobbes to a completely different level, more than desire as the reason we do anything, but also as the cause for us to do things we wouldn’t normally do.
Morality, Power and Destruction
When desire becomes the dominant force in our lives, it can eclipse our capacity for reason, morality, and empathy. The consequences of unchecked desire can be seen not only in the personal dissatisfaction and inner conflict it causes but also in its role in broader social issues, like the objectification of others and the prevalence of exploitation. Mark Twain and Geoffrey Chaucer both recognized that forbidden desires hold a certain charm, which may explain why we often pursue that which is beyond our reach. But this unquenchable thirst drives morally dubious actions like infidelity, crime, and violence.
The human struggle to understand and control desire is ongoing. We are confronted with our deepest cravings and urges on a daily basis, yet, as we’ve seen, these desires often conflict with our higher moral principles or with societal norms. It is here that the tension between desire and suffering becomes most apparent: the more we seek to control desire, the more intense the pull becomes, leading to frustration, guilt, or alienation. The push and pull between indulgence and restraint, pleasure and pain, embodies the complexity of human experience.
Despite the pervasive influence of desire, it is important to note that we, as individuals, hold the power to shape how we respond to it. In the context of personal ethics and moral philosophy, we are not passive victims of our desires. We are responsible for our actions and the consequences they bring. The moral implications of desire, whether it leads to positive or negative outcomes, remain firmly in our hands. This is where the humanity of desire emerges: the recognition that we can control, shape, and direct our desires toward more meaningful pursuits or allow them to spiral into selfishness and harm.
The idea that “desire is the root of all suffering” becomes not just a philosophical or religious concept but a lived reality; the consequences of our desires force us to take responsibility for how they manifest in our lives and in our relationships with others. True fulfillment, perhaps, lies not in satisfying every want but in understanding our desires, discerning their nature, and learning how to balance them with wisdom and compassion.