I am everything that is wrong with my generation. I am Millenial that would rather sit in bed all day with a laptop than go to work and make money. I watch porn when I have deadlines. I get dressed only if I’m going to be in contact with other people. I want to do better, but I don’t.
I look for the easy way out.
I go to the bar with my friends and laugh and drink all night when I have to get up for work in the morning. I spend my days being lazy and my nights doing whatever I want.
I know my grandfather is judging me (or I would if I believed in heaven, which I don’t).
I am wrong because
I know I could be someone great if I wanted to get out of my warm bed on winter mornings. I know I should be someone great, if only I could be convinced that would make me happier than I am here under the covers.
I know that I should (could?) be someone great, but when the most important things in my life are my pizza, my computer, and my cat it’s hard to stay motivated. I might die alone. Or I might find a girl that believes all of these things the same as me and we’ll stay in bed together watching Netflix and debating whether or not peanuts are a better snack then popcorn, and then realizing that if we just get Crunch ‘n Munch we can have both.
I like to stay in bed and read. Right now I’m reading Yasunari Kawabata’s collection of Palm-of-the-Hand Stories.
I should want more. I should want to be someone great.
But I don’t.
I’m 25 years old. I have an apartment that is warm in the winter. I have leftover ramen I made in the fridge that I’ll eat after getting high. I have what I need and I don’t really need much more than that.
Sometimes I sit on the riverbank and watch the lights flash across the city.
Maybe one day I’ll wake up and this will all have changed. I’ll wake up with the motivation to change the world. To become a millionaire and crush the little people. To be famous and fly around the world for free with complimentary in-flight drinks and smiles from stewardesses. To do something that lasts and lives on after me.
Or maybe I’ll stay wrong. I’m okay with that too.
They say ambition is the most important tool for achieving success, and maybe that’s the problem. Success is a subjective term. And happiness is attainable.